The Game of the Name

In the void, there are no synapses, no neuronal pathways, nothing close to tip-of-the-tongue recall. My inner voice screams. My blood rushes. My adrenalin flows. My nerves rattle in that moment I’ve blanked on a name. It’s trapped in some chamber of my brain.

Eyes search – up and left.
Eyes search – down and right.

Searching for the brain chamber of hidden names through twenty-six mnemonic devices.

A—Anthony? Andrew? Allen? Arthur? Not close.
B—Bob? Ben? No. Try C.
C—nothing with C or D or E or F or G or H or I or J or
K or L or M or N or… WAIT. Go back to L—Larry. No. Way off.
Or O or P or Q or R or S. S—that’s it. Stephen.

Why can I never remember his name?

I know him well, this Stephen. I know a lot about him. If you ask him a question about anything—hold on tight. His answer will take you down rapids. His emails are pages long and often quite funny. He dances Argentine tango like many of us do. And sometimes, as sympathy for followers, he dances in high heels.

I should remember his name.

I see Stephen at tango festivals several times a year and when we dance, his feet catch every musical beat, and he doesn’t slow down. And sometimes he holds me too tight, and I think he thinks my following will falter if he loosens his embrace. He brings me homemade biscotti. The last time two new flavors—cocoa with coffee nibs. Pistachio and ginger.

I absolutely should never blank on his name.

The other day, two friends—a married couple—came to our house for lunch. Chamber open—his name is Dennis. I dance tango with Dennis, too. He has white hair pulled back into a ponytail. A nice man. A nice dancer. Then suddenly, chamber locked—I’ve blanked on her name. How is that possible? I’ve said her name a thousand times and now I’ve blanked on it. I panic.

Quick. Pull out the mnemonics.

A—Anita? Yes. Anita? No. Not Anita.
B—No. C—No. D—No. E—Erica?
No that’s not it.
I’m sure her name starts with an A.
Finally, the chamber opens and
ANNETTE falls out. That’s it. Whew.

Is name-blanking a flaw of my brain? Like for those who can’t remember faces? 

My friend has this condition. I can’t remember the name of it, but I know it begins with a P.

His name also begins with a P—Philippe. He’s French. He knits hats. He says he knits to stay calm. We dance tango together, too, when we’re both at the same dance events. After our first dance he tells me about his condition—how he has trouble remembering faces so when I see him again at another tango event looking aloof, avoidant, it means he’s forgotten my face. If that happens, I’m to go up to him and remind him who I am and of course he’ll feel terrible. I don’t think I’ll blank on his name. But if I do, I’ll go through my twenty-six mnemonic devices until my locked chamber opens and spills out PHILIPPE.

Sometimes my partner calls me Alice. I call him Matt. A habit from past marriages. We’ll laugh because habits are not the same as that brain chamber where a person’s name hides in the white-out.

I’ve researched this name-blanking thing, and the thing is—it’s common. There’s no name for it. No diagnosis. Nothing that gives it a label like the label for forgetting faces. According to many studies, remembering a name is arbitrary—a name is nothing the brain is interested in committing to memory. Stress can be a factor, too. If I’m nervous about introducing someone to someone else my brain responds to my cortisol surge and activates the amygdala and busies itself with fight or flight and then—BAM—a person’s name flies into the chamber and the chamber locks down.

When I introduce myself to someone for the first time, within seconds I will have examined their face, their features, the expression in their eyes. I will have noticed their dress, their height, the color and style of their hair—if it’s thick or thin, long or balding. In those few seconds of visual distraction, I will have forgotten their name. And they will say to me, remind me of your name again.

When someone forgets my name, it relaxes me, lets me off the hook, makes me feel easy when I say no worries. I’ve forgotten your name, too.

WOW-Women on Writing Contest Runner Up 4^th Qtr 2023